Honey do you know where my keys are?
I’ve been mulling this post for awhile as I so often do when I want to say something that might be slightly controversial. I tend to avoid that if at all possible but this thought just won’t leave me. It all started when I read this post by Jessica Duguette over at 5 minutes for mom in her “Ask the Organizer” column. The question was “how can I get my husband to help me stay organized?” Oh did I ever sit up with interest when I read this question because you see my husband is so not an organized person in any shape or form, he is also a complete pack rat and time management, forget about it. I mean seriously wouldn’t you think that after searching for your keys for the upteenbillionth time that you might be just a little curious as to why this keeps happening to you. Jessica’s reply was that “clutter issues in a marriage are almost always about the marriage itself, and the communication between spouses.” Hmmm….interesting concept and one that I’m sure holds true for many couples as she suggests but I do want to consider another possibility…..a possibility that is a reality in my household…..the reality that my husband just doesn’t care which direction the hanger goes when he hangs up his coat in the hall closet (gasp) or that he just doesn’t care if his clothes pile up like a train wreck on his side of the bed. I don’t believe it means our marriage is on the rocks but rather that his priorities are just different to mine. What I know to be true for my husband is that he simply was never taught any organizational skills as a child and didn’t grow up in an organized home. I honestly believe that organizing is a skill that anyone can learn to do….that is if they want to. My husband has other priorities…..he is too busy cleaning to worry about the piles of paper on the table…..which if you think about it make us the perfect team…..he is a clean freak and I’m the clutter freak. He is the King of floor sweeping…the best actually….but mind blowning to me is that he doesn’t see the need to have the remotes all lined up in a row on the coffee table in their designated space…..what’s with that??….nope he just doesn’t care! So do I believe we have a communication breakdown, that our marriage may be in trouble….not a all….do I believe I’ll ever get him to see the brilliance in having containers in every available drawer…no probably not….instead I’ll go and help him find his lost keys….One.More.Time.
Very good post, Laura! They do say opposites attract!
Laura, that post is SOOOO true of our home as well. My husband is an awesome cleaner – I hate hate hate to clean, but I don’t mind doing it so much if he does it first (he does his job of cleaning – and then I go back through and do my organizing job and we both end up happy)
We have kinda split some of the household stuff – its not an equal distribution but it works for us. Hubby does some of the general picking up and cleaning as well as vacuuming, sweeping and mopping and trash stuff. I do everything else. And by general picking up – that means anything on the floor – if it’s off the floor, it’s clean to him. Floor space, though, is designated as walkway – floor space under or behind furniture do not count.
Bottom line is, we complement each other. And it works well. A person just has to remember we all have different talents and gifts from God and those talents and gifts may not be the same as our spouse, but if we each use our own then it will all work well.
I agree with you on this post. Although I wish my husband was a clean freak. Actually I wish I was an organizing freak & clean freak. I’m getting there. Slowly but surely! But, my husband and I definitely compliment each other in almost everything else.
I agree that some people just don’t care about the little things. There are times when it could be about something having to do with the relationship (such as rebellion to being nagged)… but generally I think you are on the nose, it’s habit.
aimeeroo.com
Great post….Scott and I are total opposite…he is laid back and I’m the one who is always in a hurry.
LOL! I love this. If you’ll allow me to share from my personal experiences… =)
I’m one that likes to see a CLEAN bathroom counter, with minimal items on it. My husband is one that likes to have everything out in arms reach so that he doesn’t have to look for anything. Same with the bathtub. I like everything all contained. He likes it all out. You can see the problem here. 😉 I agree that it’s a matter of preferences, priorities, and habit.
How do we settle these two differences? Easy,.. every time I take a shower I pick the shampoo off the side of the tub, use it, put it in the basket. Hubby comes in, takes it out of the basket, uses it and leaves it on the side of the tub. Yup. That’s how it goes. Over and over and over again. 🙂 Will he ever change? Like you said… probably not.
=)
My husband is a wonderful man. He is a slob. He is a complete, totally unfixable slob. So was his mother. So is his entire family.
I am almost pathologically organized. I always have been. By the time we were married six months, we’d reached a compromise.
Simple, really. The garage is his. Period. It bothers me sometimes but when I start breaking out in hives I remember that the garage is his. He can be a slob there.
He cannot, however, be a slob inside the house, which is MINE.
So really, we worked it out and if we hadn’t, it could have become a deal breaker.
Rob goes out of his way, although he thinks it’s silly, to understand that every single thing inside the house has a place and needs to be there. Otherwise, he gets to deal with a crazed wife.
I go out of my way, as I cover my eyes and walk through the garage, to remember that this is his space.
It works.
Our #1 issue is cleanliness.
I am the messy and he hates it.
Oh thank goodness – i thought i was the only one with a clean freak/ organization deficient husband. this man could clean floors all. day. long. Ask him to keep the stuff from his pockets neat on the dresser and he gets totally mystified.
i am just so relieved!
Very cute subject and replies! It would take me more than a comment to explain the two of us and our differences. I guess I’ll have to blog about it some time!
Well Laura, I have one for you. I have a problem keeping up with my eyeglasses. I’m always looking for them before I head out the house. What suggestions would you give me?
Hi Rona, I don’t think it matters so much as to where you put them as long as you put them in the same place each time. For instance you can buy those eye glass holders that sit on a table and if every time you took off your glasses you put them there you would always know where to find them the next time. See what I mean? Oh and if that doesn’t work, well you might have to use a string 🙂
Thanks for the question!
Laura
My husband and I have different priorities, too. HE is the more organized one, I am the one that doesn’t care as much. I see the kids needs and take care of them loooooooong before I’ll clear the sink.
That said, we’re both learning some give and take. He’s learning to relax, and I’m learning to put some better routines in place. It’s taken us a while to get to this point, though…