Is Your Husband Your Biggest Organizing Obstacle?
Hi everyone, I’m super excited to introduce you to our newest regular contributor here that will take the spot of Shannon, who sadly is leaving us due to time constraints. Deana Ward is a blogger and life coach at Your Happy Stuff. I’ve been reading her site for awhile now and she has even guest posted here previously where she blogged about a scarf organizing solution for busy gals. I think you are going to love her especially after reading today’s post which I think is fantastic and on a topic that so many can relate to, myself included. Welcome aboard Deana, I’m thrilled you are joining us!
Hello fellow Org Junkie readers! I am excited to be here today because I have some down-to-earth solutions for the biggest organizing obstacle many of us face…
I’ve been married almost twenty years to my sweet fella and we get along like peas and carrots. But I cannot attribute that to the fact that we are wired exactly the same, because we are not. He and I are absolute opposites!
- I need, CRAVE organized calm. He’s indifferent to it.
- I’m always prepping two steps ahead of the family. He’s wingin’ it at the last minute.
- I rather like having the towels folded all the same. He folds one different from the next.
Back before I learned what I’m about to teach you today, we bickered at the littlest things or WORSE I’d stuff my irritation and let it gnaw at me. Can you relate? If so, keep reading. If not, you have my full permission to go empty the dishwasher or something. No weirdness, I promise.
My top three reasons your partner tunes you out, and what you can do about it:
1. Above all else, he needs to feel significant.
I’m not talking about an arrogant sense of significance. That’s not it at all. Significance to a man translates as “I am worthy of connection with you.” When a man feels significant to a woman, that feels like love to him.
When we organize something and then give our spouse the rundown on “how things are gonna work from here on out”, we are not making him feel significant. He feels nagged. A better approach would be to include him in the brainstorming of something you plan to organize. Try this:
“Honey, I’m thinking about organizing the front closet because I know it would help us get in and out of the house more easily, but I wanted to bounce my ideas off you to see what you think.”
This approach works magically in getting your man marching to your beat. Know why? Because you are expressing that you care what he thinks (which makes him feel significant). The other amazing thing about that is you are appealing to the fact that…
2. Men LOVE to think about things!
I’m sure this is not a shock to you, but men are very logical. If a man doesn’t see a reason for something, he doesn’t bother with it.
Did you see in the example script above, I asked for his input (filling his need for significance) PLUS I gave him a logical reason why it matters? I invited him to think about something he now sees a reason for. You’re welcome:)
3. The word “organize” scares him.
Now why would that beautiful word scare anyone? Well, perhaps when you hear that word, you feel peaceful and calm. But maybe when he hears that word he feels controlled.
Try swapping that word out with “simplify” or “calm” or “soothe” or “relax” and see how he responds.
“Sweetie, I’d love to simplify the garage this weekend. Of course I would never move your tools because I know how important they are to you. Do you have any ideas for how we might compromise and move some things around in the garage so it is easier to get in and out with kids and groceries?”
Bing, bing, bing! I asked for his ideas (made him feel significant), gave a reason (appealed to his sense of logic), AND informed him that I was not – in any way – interested in taking control of his stuff (so he doesn’t have to fear that I’ll move his hammer so he can’t find it)! Triple points on that one!
I know that taking the bull by the horns and just getting things done seems like the best way to make progress in your home, but if you want to increase your sense of ease and connection with your hubby, I encourage you to experiment with my tips and let me know how it goes in the comments below!
When I stopped enforcing compliance at my house and started encouraging ideas instead, my organizing efforts evolved from uncompleted “Honey-Do Lists” into fun “Honey, what do you think about this idea?” The results have been happier and sustainable!
Deana Ward of Your Happy Stuff loves helping overwhelmed women simplify and calm their lives. As a breakthrough life coach and creator of the 4-week rut buster, Happiness Hotwire, she helps her clients decide how they want to live and gives them simple steps and accountability to make it happen. Be sure to get your FREE gift and weekly tips from Deana over at Your Happy Stuff. You can also find her on Facebook and Pinterest.