Wow ladies, I am blown away and blessed by your responses to yesterday’s post. As always the comments offer so much more wisdom and insight than I ever could. I appreciate you taking the time to reflect and share where you are in your own lives and what you are perhaps doing differently this year so as not to succumb to the pressures of society. Just reading the comments got me fired up because here is a community of woman that are so super supportive and making it okay to say enough is enough already.
So often we hear about the things we should be doing but what I really got a kick out of yesterday was reading what some of you weren’t going to do this year. Organizing Mommy started us off with a list of things she has given herself permission NOT to do. I hope she doesn’t mind that I share them with you here:
I don’t send out cards; I have a letter that I send out as a response, at my leisure.
I don’t bake cookies and all that.
I’m not giving my kids’ teachers gifts.
I’m not giving my own kids gifts. They can have some cash.
My few decorations can all fit into a cardboard box.
That’s very cool. Here’s my own list:
For the first time I’m not doing an annual Christmas letter. Instead I’ve purchased photo cards with our names already signed on them. I will feel no guilt about not also adding a personal message. Hey you’re getting a picture, what more do you want?!
I’m only decorating one room and I let my kids do most of the work. That wasn’t easy for me but I was totally surprised by the amazing job they did and they had a blast! I think we now might have ourselves a new tradition.
I’m not a baker, if it gets done, it gets done. If it doesn’t than oh well. That’s what girlfriends who bake (you know who you are!) are for 🙂
We aren’t putting lights up on the outside of our house this year. We are enjoying the fantastic display right across the street from us instead.
We only have plans to have company over to our house on Christmas day. That’s not to say I won’t do more entertaining at home but I’m going to just be wild and crazy and be spontaneous about it. It may work out, it may not, oh well, just means more quality time with my own bunch.
****************
Yipee, that was fun and freeing too! Of course everyone’s list will look differently depending on your own interests, strengths and time. That’s the sheer beauty of it. I just think it’s time we stopped killing ourselves trying to do it “all”.
Come on, try it for yourself, you know you want too 🙂 Make your own statement in the comments telling us what thing(s) you are giving yourself permission NOT to do this year?
Say yes to less!!
For interest here are some related posts in blogland on the same subject:
Everyone Leaves Some Things Undone @ Making Home
Wrap Up the Stress @ Femina
This year…it will not be perfect @ A Chelsea Morning
I love this community!!
Angi says
I am not:
– making any cookies that I do not want to make
– buying gifts for people who do not need them
– buying new toys for my girls, some used toys will be wrapped
– going anyplace on Christmas
– going anyplace other than Mass on Christmas Eve
– cooking a huge brunch for Christmas, like I did last year; it will be simple
Alva says
I am not doing a lot of our usual christmas activities this year either. Main reason being we just moved away from our families and cannot make it back home for christmas and due to some other restrictions where we live. Hence, we have greatly toned it down and have compensated with some baking instead.
Joy says
-I am not participating in cookie exchanges where I was required to bake 5 doz. cookies my family does not need to eat and I don’t need to spend the time baking.
-I am not decorating the house since we will only be here two weeks. (We did just put up the tree for the kiddos to hang their ornaments on.)
-I am not sending out more than 50 Christmas cards, and can hopefully reduce that amount every year. 🙂
-I am not going into debt in order to buy Christmas gifts.
Avlor says
I am not:
– doing a big Christmas letter. I did a mini that fits on 1/4 sheet.
– baking a ton. I tend to snitch and I don’t need that. Only did one batch of truffles.
– outdoor Christmas lights. Just hung up a bow outside, so I didn’t feel like a scrooge.
– organizing either kiddo’s class party (huzzah! <- Yippee just wasn’t enough for that one.)
– buying presents for stockings. I opted to make them and I’m almost done. One left and a tie to finish for hubby.
– buying presents for friends. I’m made bookmarks and did my own photos this year. Will do photo trades with most friends.
Janelle says
I am not buying presents for my friends or siblings and their families. I am not baking cookies unless I want to. I am going to mass Christmas morning when it’s not crowded and rushed. I never write a Christmas letter. I resolve to remember that it’s not my party, it’s His.
Chelsea Morning says
The title of this post is now my official holiday motto. What a great title!
xo
Barb
stephaniesmommybrain says
With a 7 week old, and 3 other kids 5 yrs. and under, I’m taking things easy this year. We have one small tabletop tree, photo cards to mail out, and we’re going to make chocolate covered pretzels for our neighbors. That’s about it for this holiday season. I’m hoping to be able to do more next year but it’s just not gonna happen this year. Right now it’s a good day if I shower and cook supper! = )
Songbirdtiff says
-Hubby and I made arrangements with the grown up members of our family to spend time together in lieu of exchanging gifts.
Lacy says
I’m very disorganized (which is why I HAVE to read your blog) so I NEVER do it all! Here’s my list of things I NEVER do for Christmas:
-any cards at all
-decorating rooms besides the living room
-cookie baking
-outside lights
Presents are always my biggest stresser because you can’t exactly skip that…
Susan Fehrmann says
Hi Laura,
I met you at the POC conference and have been addicted to your blog ever since. You blew my socks off with your post yesterday and took it even further today. WOW. This year I will not:
– be having anyone over for Christmas. Been a rough year, don’t feel up to it.
– baking anything that does not come directly from the freezer
– spending a lot of money. Not going to whip out the plastic pretending I have it to give.
– put up Christmas lights outside. I don’t like heights and don’t have time.
Looking forward to seeing what you come up with for tomorrow!! 🙂
Queen B says
Doesn’t it feel wonderful to make a decision about something like this? Just this week, I said “no” to a few things that had been weighing on me and it felt great.
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
JackiHollywood Brown says
I gave up on the personalized Christmas cards years ago. We did a standard Christmas form letter for a few years. Now I just send out a blast email with a link to our Holiday Webpage complete with what we’ve been up to for the past year and accompanying pictures. People can leave comments for us if they wish.
It saves paper and postage – and time. If people don’t want to read about us they don’t have to take the time to do it.
Erika says
I am not stressing out about finding the perfect gifts for everyone! Instead, I am giving myself permission to compile an assortment of my homemade jams, pickles,salsas and chutneys. Normally, I just don’t consider that a good gift, but this year, they’re from the heart and everyone will love them.
Lara T. says
I am NOT going to:
*include photos with my cards (I had planned to until about 2 days ago)
*send cards to friends, just to family
*feed my kids lots of hype about Santa, to many kids get so much of this that they expect a ton for Christmas. We are starting while they are young to teach them that a couple simple items are sufficient
*exchange any gifts with hubby (we both agreed to just save the money since neither of us wants or needs anything)
Stephanie says
I love this too! Especially cause I never get it all done!
this year I will not:
-decorate, hubby and kiddos did it
-sign cards with personal note, just a photo card already signed
-making cookies in excess, one batch for christmas day. and im using the mix, not from scratch
-not using the credit card!!! YEAH!
(and because we have b-days right before and after christmas)
-I am not planning a crazy party, friends come over and play, no silly crafts that they dont really want to do anyway!
-no fancy cake, it gets eaten anyway!
-bought all used or clearenced gifts for my children (they dont know the difference!!)
thank you for such a good reminder!!
Heather says
This year I am not…
…putting as many ornaments on the tree (and it still looks pretty!)
…decorating as much as usual for the holidays
…doing lots of baking (only for the special things and parties)
…using the credit card (this will make 2 Christmases in a row ~ yay!)
…spending as much on gifts as we usually do
…paying extra for our usual printed Christmas picture cards (I’m using all the “leftover” Christmas cards I’ve been saving through the years and including a picture in each one)
…sending out as many Christmas cards (only 50 this year!)
And Janelle, I loved your reply that “it’s not my party, it’s His!”
Susanne says
I am not:
-making cookies I’ve never made before
-baking for gifts other than super simple biscotti
-putting out every single decoration I own, only the ones that strike me this year
-going to every single concert, play and event that we are invited to
-going to beat myself up because I am not good at everything
-sending out a bazillion cards to every aquaintance. Only good friends.
I am going to focus on doing what I love to do which is cooking and some decorating and then I’m just going to enjoy everyone else’s ubber baking and designer decorating for what it is: a blessing not a condemnation.
SheilaG says
No Christmas cards this year! No Christmas letter, either, though I may do an email if I weaken.
No presents for any adults except my mother.
No special cleaning. Just regular stuff. I am not going to stress myself out.
No trying to equal my mother-in-law’s gravy. It can’t be done. They shall just have to enjoy mine!
But I am planning to spend a lot more time baking (because my kids like to bake and I like to eat) and playing board games!
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!
Annie says
So are you saying you need me to do some baking for you…I’m all up for that!!
I may be coming into town on Saturday to see the new baby and I might stop by (depending on time)…should I let T. know that you like her Christmas lights!!
L says
I’m pretty grateful this year. Believe it or not, I’m actually really happy that I don’t have any money to throw around this year. This means I’m not running around buying gifts for EVERYONE I know, I’m not putting together a Christmas party, I’m not sending fancy cards to the entire “EXTENDED Wedding announcement” LIST, I’m not buying too many toys for my girls, I’m not spending HOURS hunched on the living room floor wrapping presents, I’m not nagging my husband for gift ideas for his entire family, I’m not sacrificing an evening with my family and trudging out in the dark on the coldest day of the year to risk driving on crappy roads to go shopping for more presents, I’m not running myself past the point of exhaustion and getting sick, I’m not spending too much money on new Christmas decorations to rival House Beautiful, I’m not buying new Christmas outfits and matching shoes and hairbows and matching tights and purses and coats for the girls, I’m not buying gift baskets full of food for everyone, and I’m not making 17 trips to the post office to stand in line with tons of heavy, awkward boxes, I’m not cooking an elaborate dinner with an expensive piece of meat, I’m not dragging out the china and crystal and then having to figure out stain removal on the fancy tablecloth, I’m not buying extra storage bins for all of the new decorations aquired this year.
Not having extra money has simplified things for me tremendously. It has made me realize that all I *HAVE* to do this year is go to mass, be in a good mood for my family, explain and reinforce the real reason to my kids, send a little gift to the people that matter most, maybe write a couple of notes to a couple of those I haven’t seen in a while, and keep everyone in my family healthy and happy.
Organizing Mommy says
I never DREAMED that I would be able to bless you with all that I”M NOT DOING. GAH!! Thank you for acknowledging my “laziness” (just kidding).. My high risk pregnancy taught me a lot! I have never enjoyed the holidays quite like I do now that I’m not doing all of that!
Praise the Lord for HIS wisdom, not mine!!
Carey says
I’m right there with you, girl! I just ranted about the same subject myself on my blog.
http://frugalfulfillment.blogspot.com/2008/12/here-it-comes.html
The number one thing I’m NOT going to do is FEEL GUILTY about anything I simply can’t do. I’m not a machine!
What I WILL do is appreciate and enjoy all that I have and all of the love I receive from my friends and family. And I WILL enjoy the holidays!
Niki says
I am right there with you girl. I get so overwhelmed reading all of the blogs and what others do. I am so glad you posted this so I know that I am not alone in this. As mothers we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in every aspect. We have to learn to let go and accept that it does not have to be so.
Not doing gift exchanges with my family (kids excluded) we chose a needy family and we are giving them a complete Christmas. We did this before and it was amazing.
Katie @ 3Blondes&... says
I didn’t comment yesterday out of guilt…I have lots of readers who have told me that they have to take breaks from my blog because it makes them feel bad about themselves. It keeps me in check to tone it down a bit, that’s for sure! I linked to your post yesterday so my readers could see that they’re not the only ones out there NOT able to keep up with the bloggers they read.
As for what I’m giving up…so, so much. I LOVE baking, so I compensate for my non-baking friends. 🙂 But I’m giving up everything monetary (my husband just got laid off) which has kept us home a LOT more. It’s amazing how much quality time you have with the family when you have no $$$! I didn’t do a note in our Christmas cards, I kept many decorations in their boxes, we also didn’t light the front of our house (more to save money) and we’re only doing free activities, which is pretty limited.
Thank you for posting yesterday. It was a breath of fresh air and straight from your heart. XOXOX
Forgetfulone says
I’m doing less and less each year, and actually trying to do some clutter-free gifts such as tickets to plays, movies, and sporting events. It’s very free-ing. We don’t have decorations outside, and what little we will have will be half as much as last year. I’m only sending one teacher a gift this year. I’ve been asked to contribute for this and that and more at work, and sometimes I just have to say no.
Cathy | Mommy Motiva says
Hey! Great post.
I too, cut back a couple years after a break-down. Apparently I was too dense to see the signs of stress before I got conked on the head with them. 🙂 So this year, I’m actually starting to add things back in! And it feels wonderful to start with a clean slate. No expectations. What I can do is bonus. And really it should be that way with all of us. They are loved, they are adored, doted on by mothers. Cared about so much that it nearly drives us crazy. If we manage to put a pan of cookies in the oven – WOW, A moment of super-mom. Everyone should stand at attention! lol
Best of luck with the guilt feelings! lol I, for one, think you are doing the RIGHT thing by cutting back. The trick is to convince YOURSELF. 🙂
Have a wonderful weekend!
Cathy
Lisa @ hopewell says
I realized long ago that endless decorating and the tree up forever only adds to holiday depression not joy by building unrealistic expectations! I am Not putting the tree up till this weekend.
[We are in a much smaller house so I’m grateful I was too broke to collect endless decorations!!]
I’m only making one gift and that because it is requested and appreciated. Be honest–how much of that stuff do you really want?
I’m not swapping gift cards or cash.
My grown, married niece/nephew can have the same gifts they give me most years–nothing! And that’s fine with all of us! We all can afford our lives. Still, like most years I’ll break my rule and slip a McDs card in one coat pocket and a gas card in another because I remember being 20 something and loving road food!! [I’m NOT Scrooge]And, being reminded that your are loved is the point of gift giving–not the gift.
I am spending money to buy gifts that are desired and appropriate for the people who matter and ignoring all the rest. Be honest: who wants another Christmas candle!!
The gifts I am giving are small gifts and not for any reason other than I’m tired of spending the winter agonizing over Christmas spending!
I AM giving God thanks by growing up and being a better steward.
Carolyn says
I am not:
* putting up Christmas lights outside in order to save energy and money,
* arranging presents for teachers except that they have all received a lop-sided gingerbread man made by my son,
* getting family photos done at Sears,
* giving gifts to a dozen or so friends and neighbours – they might get a gingerbread bell if I can convince my son to bake some more,
* staying up until early morning wrapping gifts on Christmas eve.
That was so fun and therapeutic!
Megan Spears says
What did you start?
http://blog.disorder2order.com/2008/12/12/why-feel-guilty-for-making-life-simpler.aspx
Great post by the way… when I grow up, I want to be just like you!
Susan says
How freeing! Actually, I ENJOY most of the “tasks” associated with Christmas – baking, decorating, cards, etc. However, I refuse to stress and over-schedule. We really don’t entertain (all relatives are 3 hrs away), so that takes off a lot of things to do.
I appreciate you admitting you feel overwhelmed – I know that since you’re the “Meal Plan Goddess” :), I thought you had it all together. Thanks!
Cathy says
I had just decided I am NOT doing Christmas cards this year. I was going to feel guilty until I read your post! I am NOT going to go into debt over gifts- but I AM finding inexpensive gifts that I really think people will enjoy (no Christmas candles except for my mom-in-law, she really likes those). I WON’T feel guilty if others “spend more” than me- especially since we’ve set a price range.
One thing new I AM doing this year is Advent Scriptures and a fun activity each day with my family. I wanted to add something to help all of us realize why Christmas really is so important. However, I am NOT stressing out if the activity I planned for a day (that I planned 2 weeks ago) can’t get done. We’ll do it another day- or not at all! (The scripture- that gets done daily. After all, that IS the most important thing.)
ter says
This year I am not doing anything for Christmas.
It makes me sad because it was my husband’s favorite holiday.
But he has gone to heaven to be with our daughter…
So, while I am NOT doing anything for Christmas this year…
I wish I had a reason to.
Sandy says
Hi Laura, that is why I wrote my post “Don’t lose your joy” which got so many comments. Women so very much want to live in the spirit, but we get too caught up. I’ll be reposting my “Too Much Tradition” post this week. I think we feel guilty, that we have to do things the same way every year.
BTW, we cleaned through the kids closets and have bags to get rid of this week. Freeing … Happy Sunday!
Rona says
I purchased homemade baked goods from the bakery.
I mailed Christmas cards in batches.
The husband and I aren’t exchanging Christmas gifts this year.
amy says
I gave up catching up on blogs;) seriously- i have a child who is ‘autistish’ and have been discussing all the KISS (keep it simple silly/stupid) ways we HAVE to do Christmas.
– no going to Country Club Christmas parties
– no 30 to 50 person parties
– no baking of cookies because we are on an anti sugar (candida) diet anyway
– invite people over..come to see us..not the house;)
– laugh
– laugh often
– join netflix!! so that you can breathe for a few seconds…this is especially important for homeschoolers…Public schools show kids movies..why shouldn’t we!
– do what you need to do…
– order..ONLINE. and don’t worry about shipping.
– skip the cards completely
– give from the heart
Kristin says
This year I:
-Put up 1/4 less of my decorations than usual. When I take them down I will put another 1/4 away, and will sell this 1/2 at a spring moving sale. I’m so excited to downsize my Christmas collection!
-Am not getting photo cards – they are the most expensive part about the Christmas letter. I still like to send out a letter, though.
-Am only sending out the letter to 30 families – our closest friends who live out of town and our family. Absolutely NONE to our in-town friends! That’s 30 less than last year.
-Am baking more but giving MORE away – it’s wonderful to be a SAHM and be able to bless working or busy families with baked goods.
-Have found nearly all the gifts on sale. And am not feeling guilty about not spending a lot on people!
-Hosted an Usborne Book party and received $130 worth of books for a total of $40. This is the biggest portion of my 3 kids’ presents.
-Am not making a Jesus Birthday cake. It’s a neat idea and we have done it every year, but it’s too much work for Christmas Eve. Instead we will have a simple but yummy supper, go to church, and come home to presents, candles and treats.
-Except for one gift I have yet to find, I have everything purchased and wrapped.
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