The following is a guest post from regular contributor, Rachel at Useful Beautiful Home.
This week my husband and I received some of the worst information a young couple expects to hear. We were told by a specialized physician that although both of us are completely “normal” and physiologically capable of having children, we will never have any more of our own due to a very rare immunological condition. An immunity we have absolutely no control over that attacks embryos as foreign invaders ever since my miscarriage. Devastating. Grievous. Unexpected.
Why do I share this with you? What on earth does that have to do with organization? Plenty, my friend, plenty. You see, we all come from our own individual circumstances; differences that make our family unique and often times not what we had planned for our lives.
I’m classified in a rarity that affects only 2.5% of women dealing with unexplained infertility. 2.5% is minuscule. With those odds, I should play the lottery. I mean, whoever lands in the 2.5% category? Me, that’s who. And you may feel the same at times when it comes to the circumstances or rarities that makes your family unique. Three children under the age of three or a child with unexpected disabilities or a family illness that turned chronic; whatever your situation, you may be overwhelmed with your own “2.5%” chances that puts you in the minority.
Hopefully you have nothing similar to what I’m experiencing, but I know you have moments where you feel to be the only one who struggles to keep an organized house, closet, cupboard, or whathaveyou in the middle of your own circumstances. My point is that although you feel overwhelmed or burdened by the chaos intertwine with the joys of raising young children, you are not alone.
I know you will look back on these days of an unorganized household and smile in fondness. Your precious little mess-makers are just that, precious. As for the mess-making, that’s part of the journey. I, along with other blogging organizers, will continuously share tips that help make a household run more smoothly or more organized. But at some point, I hope with all my heart, you realize the blessing of children far outweighs the neatness of a kitchen counter top.
Child raising is messy at times and difficult at other times, but always sprinkled with laughter. May we never forget the laughter and joy during the hardships and toils. May we always understand organizing is temporary and constantly evolving over time, but our children are permanent and easily influenced. Focusing on the “chaos-makers” rather than the chaos may be the ticket to our organizing perspective. Glean what you can when it comes to your online searches for organizational help but never for a minute compare your own situation to those you see around you. No one deals with the circumstances you have and no one’s home is specifically tailored to your family like your own.
One of the most unintentionally hurtful comments said to me was, “it’s easy for you to organize, you only have one child.” Oh how far from the truth. I would trade every last organized system I have for one exhausting “nightshift” of a newborn baby in a heartbeat.
I don’t write these words as self-therapy, I write to bring another perspective for the Mamas who are sleep deprived and too tired to organize the very things adding to their exhaustion. Remember, where you are right now is fleeting. Speaking from my perspective, those days are now long-gone for me. You will have all the time in the world to organize that pile down the road. Take the time to cuddle, take the time to bake messes in the kitchen this holiday season, take the time to sing and laugh and giggle together. Whatever you do, do not take the time to organize before first tending to those little lives you influence the most. After all, they can’t see the tops of your counters to know that a pile is accumulating. They only see you and the love they receive from your priceless attention.
On the flip side of the coin, I don’t share so that you give up all attempts to control the inevitable clutter. There are always two ends of the spectrum and we can err on either side OR seek to find balance in the middle. I may have outgrown the chaotic years of a small baby at home but I count my blessings when looking at our 6-year-old child. Time flies and these Kindergarten days will soon be gone. Finding the middle ground, even now, is my personal aim. I organize and I implement systems knowing that during the child raising years, life won’t be perfect. At the same time, it doesn’t hurt to do my best with areas I find are a struggle (like the paper monster that insists on surfacing in my kitchen).
Find your balance dear mothers of young children, find your balance dear overwhelmed homemaker, find your balance dear friend with a “2.5%” rare family-related circumstance. Find the balance that helps you treasure the motherhood gifts you’ve been given while utilizing the organizing talents you’ve acquired. And, oftentimes that balance is found by letting go of picture perfect organization on the home-front.
Click the highlighted link below for a FREE copy of the “Life Doesn’t Have to be Perfect…” quote from me. Have a happy and balanced weekend!
Life Doesn’t Have to be Perfect Quote from UsefulBeautifulHome.com
In the professional world, I’m a nurse by trade. But, around our house, I’m known as Mommy to our young daughter. My two worlds collided and began shaping into a blog. Useful Beautiful Home represents the hours I’ve dedicated to managing my household as efficiently as possible. I offer you motivation to keep your home healthy, organized, and welcoming. My goal is to share what I’ve implemented in my home to inspire you with fresh ideas and to encourage you to keep up the good work in yours! Learn more about me HERE or visit me at UsefulBeautifulHome.com.
Bonnie says
Beautifully written article. I have two teenagers, both with disabilities. It has gotten easier over the years, but my reality is so different then most families. I like what you said about finding balance. God bless you!
Rachel @ Useful Beautiful Home says
Yes, I imagine it does get easier over the years. Thanks for sharing that, Bonnie, and thank you for being the first to comment! It warms my heart to know you appreciated the words about finding balance!
Sarah @ An Inviting Home says
Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry. To discover that and wrestle through the heart break and disappointment…wow. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.
~Sarah
Rachel @ Useful Beautiful Home says
Thank you, sweet Sarah, thank you!
Theresa says
I, too, had a situation like yours. My doctor had me take injections of heperin twice a day for a LONG 13 weeks to prevent my body from “evicting” the child. He is now almost 7 years old and super smart! =D
Rachel @ Useful Beautiful Home says
13 weeks of injections IS a long time! So happy to hear you have a 7-year-old as a result. 🙂
The Lady Kay says
Rachel–this is a beautifully written post by an intelligent woman with perspective.
I too have a physical situation, a genetic propensity for blood clots. I can relate to Theresa’s injection situation, as I had daily injections of blood thinners during my entire pregnancy with my second child to facilitate receiving what she needed to grow in utero.
Thanks for the sometimes needed reminder!
Be Well–The Lady Kay
Jayne says
Rachel,
I’m a nurse too, retired, and I was only able to have one child. We’re so lucky to be able to have had just one, since so many can’t have any. My son is in his 30’s now and the time really flew by. Enjoy your little girl. Her childhood will be so fleeting. My son has been the joy of my life.God bless you and your family. Hugs.
Kathy says
Thank you for sharing from your heart. My prayers are with you. I am a grandmother who sudden had my 1 1/2 year old grandson become part of my household . I am a ” mom” again. I cherish our time together and just step over the toys.
Sondrene says
Thank you so very much fit sharing . This was a beautiful thought provoking article . Xxxx love and light to you
Marcia Francois says
Rachel, I’m so sorry for your news. I’m previously infertile and have my twins via IVF (second one was successful). I went to a support group and there was a lady who had the same condition as you did who had two successful pregnancies after being diagnosed. Yes, she did have to have the shots in the tummy right up to when the baby had to be born (apparently it wasn’t “that bad” – I have a needle phobia so I’m not sure how bad it was).
Just wanted to encourage you that there is a way if you decide it’s right for you.
Big hugs from Johannesburg!
Virginia P says
Hang in there, God is there with you. Prayers for your disappointment, but joy for your child. She will be your grown up friend before you know it! Thanks for sharing, it always make it easier when you share it and helps others to understand that their words may not be appropriate in the situation! God bless you, Rachel!
Frances says
Thank you for sharing your precious heart. Thank you for helping me get a grip.
Marybeth S says
I was told I would not be able to have children by two different doctors but God had other plans for me.I have two son’s now,20 and 14 who are on the autism spectrum.I had a lot of trouble carrying both but they are both otherwise healthy. People say,I don’t know how you do it but my answer is, it’s never boring at my house and I always did thrive on excitement.
janey says
great post! I feel where you are coming from. Wasn’t sure I would ever have kids, had two miscarriages, and my first born died very young. I have a severely handicapped daughter and have been doing sleepless nights for decades!! Losses are everywhere but there are pluses too, and some people just don’t know how lucky they are and should be reminded that not everybody got the same hand to play. Perfection is an illusion. Good job!
Nicola says
Coming to this on feedly very late on as I’ve been utterly overwhelmed in my house lately. This has given me hope. Sorry that you’re in the 2.5%, I’m in a very very small chance group-I was 27 when I had my son with Down Syndrome. And my husband has severe Crohns and has to go to hospital regularly for treatment. I’m currently 10 1/2 weeks pregnant having had a miscarriage in the summer and I am struggling BIG time. I’ve been very sick and now have bronchitis. My mum comes round to pick up our clean washing so she can pair socks and fold underwear and iron shirts as I don’t have the energy. I know this season will pass but as I run between appointments and after my toddler and look after my husband and do therapies with my son and try and rest and care for this baby inside me I just don’t have much left for the house. Thank you a thousand times over for saying this.
Kate says
Thank you for this beautiful article. It is just what I needed to read. Your thoughts, words and point are very much appreciated, you lovely woman.
heather hall says
you are way too sweet! I am also that way with pets I could have a million of both, so any little perks are good especially with a tiny home!! GOD BLESS!!